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Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but
today's teens do want to consider their parents as friends,
even though they think we could never understand the
realities of their world. They are also interested in
what it was like being a teenager during the Stone Age.
Life without cell phones or the Internet must have been
unimaginable!
So even with this interest, can parents and teens really
become best friends when competing with busy schedules,
and raging hormones? The answer is a resounding YES…and
it is worth the effort!
What is important to understand is that both of you
have to want the new relationship on a long-term basis.
You cannot appear to be going through the motions, or
acting like you are fitting this new relationship into
your busy schedules.
As a father, I knew I was a good provider. I put food
on the table, a roof over my teen's head, and helped
fund those great sales that saved me so much money.
As important as the father role is, it was improving
the "Dad" role that allowed me to develop
a lasting relationship with my daughter. This also helped
me with my two stepsons. Essentially, I modified the
communication and problem-solving skills that I successfully
used at work to improve my relationship with my teens.
The following are the ten ways that will help you to
become one of your teenager's best friends:
1. Define what trust meant to each of you. Agree that
there will be no games or hidden agendas-just honesty-to
build the trust.
2. Agree that mutual trust is earned by exhibiting
consistent behavior. The amount of trust that you develop
will be proportionate to the amount of freedom that
they will enjoy.
3. Anything that is discussed with you must be kept
in the strictest of confidence. This will help reinforce
the trust.
4. Talk to them as adults while remembering that they
are still kids. This allows for flexibility during those
trying adolescent years.
5. Become an attentive listener. Multitasking may be
necessary at work, however it will make you appear distracted
when discussing something important with your teenager.
Learn to focus.
6. Ask the right questions without appearing to interrogate
them. It is important that they not fear coming to you
to discuss what is important to them. It is equally
important that they feel that you will take the time
to understand what they are trying to communicate.
7. Do not judge them for their actions or ever say,
"I told you so! This helps in having them continue
to come to you to discuss topics, and encourages them
to do things better the next time.
8. When helping them with problem solving, discuss
the desired outcomes first, and what they need to do
to resolve their problem. Then allow them to proactively
make their own decisions based upon the facts rather
than reacting to their emotions.
9. Set guidelines instead of making rules for them
to follow. They should have input into the guidelines,
and then be expected to follow them. They will perceive
this as fair and in their best interests.
10. "Hang out" together as oppose to just
spending time together. Remember that there is a difference
between motion and productivity, so make your time together
interactive. For example, if you go to a movie, then
go for an ice cream and discuss the movie. Or play some
"one on one" games or sports. Do what best
friends do!
If you want to be a better parent, don't forget the
child within you. All too often, we get so wrapped up
in being an adult that we forget how to have fun and
enjoy life. I found that by using my imagination, I
rekindled my creativity, and this made me an "okay
guy" for my teenagers to hang out with. |
